Global MegaCity Commission Intelligence

Section 5, Special Investigations Division

Threat and Asset Assessment

Director and Council Members,

When approached with this assignment I was dubious of the existence of such a being as the one that had been described in the reports that were made available to me. However after an exhaustive look into this individual it has become increasingly clear to this investigation that he is a creature of immense power. Considering the subject’s apparent mental instability and demonstrated abilities, this investigation recommends he be subjected to more intense observation and possible capture for study. The following is what we were able to gather so far.

Yours in service,

Horatio Shortfoot

Section 5

Name: Kantherion Onerious

Race: Unknown, calls himself a ‘Celestial’

Age: Unknown, states he has been around since the ‘dawn of time’

Occupation: C.E.O. of K&M Industries

The being known as Kantherion Onerious poses as the eccentric C.E.O. of one of the world’s most powerful and successful megacorps. This alone made him worth investigating for potential as either a threat or a possible asset for the GMCC and during that investigation hints of something supernatural about the man were observed. Section 5 was contacted at that point and we began our own investigation. One which has revealed some truly interesting and disturbing facts about Mr. Onerious.

Onerious first arrived in Chicago shortly after the completion of the wall in 2055. He was rarely observed and thought to be a typical megacorp CEO. While K&M Industries has some truly unique and some, frankly, bizarre products it has a reputation for top tier weapons, armor, and vehicle production, they also have a reputation for selling those products to very limited clientele. This list usually consists of the Chicago City State Military as its only government or national client, the rest are a series of independent groups, militias, or mercenary units with a reputation for ‘ethical’ action protecting small settlements and independent territories that have begun to appear in the last decade or so outside of the MegaCities.

The rest of K&M Industries products range from the mundane items such as clothing lines, electronics, sporting goods, and mid quality food products to the unique niche and bizarre. Products like their Blammo! Line of weapons for children, Orc interpretive rap, Goblin Pornography, and dwarven beard care products are outlandish but remain popular. They are also known for several charities such as their Reforestation Foundation, Veteran’s Care, and K&M’s Home for Hot Unwed Mothers.

Onerious has only recently begun to be less careful about hiding his true nature. While we have not been able to discover exactly what he is, he displays a myriad of abilities, including: instantaneous point to point travel, enhanced strength, speed, and stamina, and magic use. There has also been observed near invulnerability to injury reported on at least one occasion, though whether this can be attributed to his magic use is unknown at this time.

Onerious seems to be aware of our investigation, though doesn’t seem to be concerned. He has had food and snacks delivered to nearly all of our stake outs and observation teams that have surveilled him over the past decade. He has also recruited no less than four former Section 5 employees to work for K&M Industries, all from our various teams assigned to gather intel on him. 

The culture at K&M seems to be positive. Employees have been interviewed through various operations we have run posing as independent human resource studies. These employees expressed general satisfaction with well above average salaries, vacation time, medical coverage and leave, generous retirement plans and even a pension granted to employees retiring after 25 years. There are even paid days off for ‘hangover recovery’ as well as monthly ‘Tiddie Tuesdays’ and ‘Wanger Wednesdays’ employee nights out at the Sanguine Rose. 

There is a noticeable love/hate relationship between Onerious and Serena Applebriar, owner and CEO of Applebriar Industries. Serena, a subject of another investigation, seems to mostly ire and insults aimed towards her counterpart, Onerious seems to be genuinely fond of the pixie. He has even gone so far as to aid her several times when she found herself in difficult or dangerous situations. It’s largely believed her main issues with Onerious are centered around his calling her ‘Glitter Tits’ and his generally infuriating personality.

There have also been several incidents of Onerious ‘trolling’ our observation teams and investigators. While at first the incidents were concerning, as we had no idea how he seemed to know who and where investigators and observation teams were, none were ever violent encounters. To the contrary, encounters with Onerious seem to be whimsical, friendly, and most times quite comical. Please see Investigator Miller’s report on the ‘Hey Fucko, want a banana?’  incident. It is still unknown where he found the banana as they have been extinct for nearly half a century.

The single attempt made at apprehending Onerious ended in failure after three rage-inducing hours of our extraction team being led through the undercity of Chicago and into The Pit, a local nightclub and stronghold for the caps. It was there our team found themselves mysteriously on the ‘Down to Clown’ activity list and were subsequently subjected to another three hours of forced viewing of ‘clown on clown action’. This led to ongoing therapy for four of our operatives and the recent outing of Investigator Kealy’s crippling addiction to clown porn.

While it must be taken with a heavy dose of skepticism, one of our investigators was able to get something of an explanation out of Onerious as to his nature. Again this should be taken with a grain of salt as most of it was ‘pillow talk’ as Investigator Parvanie stated in her report. During this conversation with Parvanie, Onerious stated he was a ‘Celestial’ that had gotten bored at his posting ‘several centuries’ ago and began visiting Earth in his spare time. He claims that he is an observer for the cosmic force or entity that he calls ‘The Light’ though he stated his contact with this entity has been one sided for much of the past millennia. While at the same time he is forbidden to interfere with ‘mortal issues’ on our planet. Investigator Parvaine states Onerious was respectful even post encounter as he has continued to call her and make ‘friendly overtures’ as opposed to being a ‘hit it and quit it creep’.

In my opinion he is either lying or terrible at his assigned job. I say this because he has built one of the world’s most popular and influential megacorps. This would mean he interferes on a daily basis simply by maintaining sales to the customers he does with weapons and armor. It’s hard to say whether the subject is a threat or an asset at this point as we’ve been able to find out very little about the man. I suggest we continue our current surveillance of Onerious and take our time in making any decisions about him for now.

Photo File: Beneath is the picture Investigator took during the banana incident